Growing Love Within Your Relationship Organically
The Crystal Bruja
As much as I love using Magick to enhance the love within a relationship, I also believe navigating through the hardship organically is just as magickal. Rituals and spells are beautiful ways to transform the connection within a relationship but they can only fix so much, you have to do inner work too; after all, you’re the one with the true power. This is why I don’t do certain spells for clients because they’re not willing to change their core issues or even admit them. Which in return will bring forth the same results over and over no matter how many different times we try.
I decided to transform the narrative and speak about ways you can fix certain issues within a relationship while you’re waiting for your Love Ritual to do its part. So whether you’re placing your partner in a honey jar, doing some sex magick, or enhancing the connection between your significant other and yourself; these pointers below will be sure to enhance the energy and create added change.
Understanding Each Others Love Language
There are five prominent love languages, expressed in the book by Gary Chapman. This states that there are five ways you can express your love and commitment to your partner within a relationship. Understanding these languages and the ones that resonate with you the most will allow for both you and your partner to connect on a deeper level.
Five Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation: This love language expresses love with words that build up your partner. Verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest praises can be the most effective
Quality Time: This love language is all about undivided attention. No televisions, no smartphones, or any other distractions. If this is your partner’s primary language, they don’t just want to be included during this time, they want to be the center of your attention. They want their partners to look at them and them only.
Receiving Gifts: This love language isn’t necessarily materialistic. It just means that a meaningful or thoughtful gift makes your partner feel loved and appreciated. Something as simple as picking up a pint of their favorite ice cream after a long work week can make a huge impact.
This is different than Acts of Service, where you show affection by performing actions to help your partner.
Acts of Service: Your partner might have this love language if their motto is “Actions speak louder than words.”
This love language expresses itself by doing things that you know your spouse would like. Cooking a meal, doing the laundry, and picking up a prescription are all acts of service. They require some thought, time, and effort.
All of these things should be done with positivity and with your partner’s ultimate happiness in mind to be considered an expression of love. Actions out of obligation or with a negative tone are something else entirely.
Physical Touch: To people with this love language, nothing is more impactful than the physical touch of their partner. They aren’t necessarily into over-the-top PDA, but they do feel more connected and safe in a relationship by holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc.
If Physical Touch is your partner’s primary love language, they will feel unloved without physical contact. All of the words and gifts in the world won’t change that. They want to feel you close by, not just emotionally, but physically.
If you’re not sure of what your love language is I have provided a quiz for you to take online. Be honest with yourself about how you wish to receive love. When you are loved properly, you’re more than willing to give it properly.
Resolving Issues in a healthy way
We often feel that conflict within our relationship is a cause for it to ruin our relationship, but conflict can be healthy especially when resolved in a non-toxic way.
- Start by taking the time to respond, if you’re feeling triggered or upset. Give yourself some time to collect your thoughts and express that to your partner. Your partner also needs to accept that you need this time and give it to you. So both parties can be on the same page.
- Once you’re ready to speak, speak ONLY about the issues on hand. Don’t take this time to bring up what happened yesterday, or three years ago. Focus solely on your current issue. This will lessen confusion and conflict.
- Listen to each other. Don’t listen to respond, but to understand. There may be things that will be said that will get you upset but don’t respond, stay focus on the issue. Once your partner is done speaking, validate their feeling with a simple “word of affirmation” like “I hear what you’re saying and I understand your POV” this doesn’t mean you’re apologizing for something you don’t believe you did but rather validating that your actions did something to get them upset. After all, perception is everything.
- Respond accordingly, understand that your response now will set the tone. Explain your side of the story without pointing fingers or demanding that your partner agrees to how you feel.
- Once everything is all said, find a solution that works best for the two of you. This is why compromising is key, this doesn’t mean you’re wrong and their right. It simply means that you two both feel strongly about the issue and have decided to come to a common ground that will benefit you both. This can be agreeing to not do said issue again, or agreeing to disagree. Just remember this/ the problem is the issue, not each other. You two are not enemies.
I found when implementing these steps when conflict arises it eliminates the toxic energy that can be derived from conflict. If we took the time out to speak to each other and understood each side vs just wanting to be heard we can really resolve our issues and learn that compromising is a healthy and productive way to moving forward.
We have to understand that as individuals we have lived our lives separately and differently for so long and we are not always going to be on the same page and that’s ok as long as we manage to stay within the same book! We must release ego and control to fully integrate. Establish boundaries, release expectations, and truly love and appreciate each other. After all, it takes more than love.
Full Transparency and why it’s important
This is where transparency and boundaries come into play.
A lot of the times we hide bits of ourselves to please those who are close to us. Which can lead us to hold back and act out in a passive-aggressive way or just lash out completely. When we aren’t honest with ourselves and partners we can feel misunderstood, and invalidated.
Full Transparency is being open and honest with your partner in all facets. The good, bad, and ugly. No one is saying to lay it all out on the table from the very beginning but having open and honest conversations about who you are and what you want can stop future issues from occurring. We often hear “I didn’t know you were like this when I first met you” way too much and that’s because we try to put up this facade, this image of what we think our partner wants, we try to fulfill this potential of who and what to be, by bypassing who we are at this very moment. Now we have a person in love with an image that we can no longer paint.
Transparency and honesty can help resolve issues by creating a safe space of being able to speak truthfully on how you feel without feeling like you would be judged or rejected. Your partner doesn’t have to agree with what you’re saying, or even accept it but just knowing that they’re willing to listen and understand you, can help tremendously.
This is why communication is key! Don’t be afraid to speak about children, spirituality, religion, values, morals, politics, ambitions, and life goals; anything you feel that maybe a deal-breaker later on.
- Pay attention to the red flags, and not the potential of an individual. Trust me when I say red flags are parts of people’s characters that often don’t go away (only when one is ready).
You can’t change someone who doesn’t feel or want to change themselves. So love a person for who they are and not who you expect them to be because the present is the reality of things.
2. Respect each other’s boundaries and triggers. We often get into a relationship with a sense of entitlement and expect our partner to give us all their time and attention, to drop plans or friends because of unresolved trust issues we may be experiencing. That’s toxic and often creates a wedge between you and your partner. I believe respect is crucial and we should honor that when making decisions but if trust hasn’t been broken or tried then respect your partner's life and choices that were made before getting together. If you have triggers speak on them and set boundaries beforehand on things you’re comfortable with and not comfortable with. Both parties must see eye to eye and agree if these are things in which they can work with.
3. Understand that personal space is valid and necessary, and allow for that space to be respected and given. The goal is to spend time with each other and build not to lose each other and collapse. Personal space can be sitting on the phone for a few in silence while you read a book or do something for yourself, it can be a day with friends or out strolling the city by yourself. Personal space can also be a day where you just don’t want to be around anyone. Like Monica said “don’t take it personal” we are human and have the right to these things just make sure to express and communicate your feelings with your partner.
Respecting Each Others Journey
Just like our spiritual journey, our personal journey will be different. Some may feel they’re more ahead than others while others may feel like they’re just starting. While in your relationship respect the journey your partner and don’t try to rush, hinder, or control how they move but recognize and appreciate the movement.
I’m not saying to stay with someone who is holding you back because that happens a lot. But learn how to differentiate between someone lazy and unmotivated from someone who is steady and processing. A lot of times we diminish each other progress because of how fast or sudden we expect change to occur but slow and steady can win the race as well. Recognize growth and validate it, honor times when rest and regrouping are needed and respect your partners need to learn and unlearn to become the person they wish to be.
If you have someone willing to put in work and make changes whether big or small when problems occur then value that, even when times feel stagnant. Be the motivator, not the oppressor.
1. Recognize growth when it occurs, give praise and validate your partner with words of affirmations, or celebrating each milestone. Show them they’re appreciated and you see them fully.
2. Ask them how you can support them or ways that you two can work together to reach a certain goal. Regardless if it’s personal or couple related. The common ground is that both of you learn and overcome obstacles.
3. Respect the resting period. When things feel like they’re slowing down or being stagnant, communicate with them and ask if everything is alright, and try not to speak negatively about it. We all need to reset and we don’t always move at the same pace.
4. Take accountability for your mistreatment or misconduct when it comes to how you may have criticized or spoken baldy on their journey. Also, take personal accountability for yourself as well, don’t blame others for your downfall or lack of progression. After all, we don’t want to feel like we are living life for someone else and we all want to be treated with regards.
5. Always show love and support.
I hope that these pointers will be helpful in your relationship, and create shifts to betterment. Along with your special herbs, essential oils, and bags full of magickal tricks, these combinations can help bring love back to the table.
No matter where you’re at in your journey, whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship learning these steps to become aware can be very beneficial to your spiritual growth and personal healing.
Feel free to contact me to set up a consultation for spiritual advice, love rituals, or readings at firstname.lastname@example.org. Also check out my Intentional oils, candles and crystal jewelry for self-love, lovers and attracting love and divine connections